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5 hours agoThank you shallot. I appreciate you.
BountifulEggnog [she/her]
Autistic, newly hatched trans girl 
Love to talk, feel free to DM here or on matrix.
- 295 Posts
- 6.16K Comments
Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: June 30th, 2023
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How fucking horrible. Why did this happen to me. What a waste. I hate this shit so much. No hope. Just misery and ruin. Why the fuck
I remember long ago hearing about trans people and knowing I couldnt do it. I was right, can’t.
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I don’t want to push through this. There’s not an end to push through anyway. I just want to kill myself. I am done pushing through. I hate this.
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I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being dysphoric. Of living in this society. Of not having a real job or a place of my own. Of dealing with being autistic. Of the various shitty people in my life and their dogshit takes on trans issues. Even the queer ones. I’m tired of being in a body I hate. Speaking with a voice I hate. Of being endlessly trapped in hell.
I’m just suffering. Why is this shit all there is. I know it’ll never be okay. I don’t have hope. I just want it to be over. This whole nightmare to come to a close.
suicide
Fuck this shitty life. Hate it. Hope it wraps up soon. So fucking stupid and shitty and horrible. I just want to die. I hate this. Such fucking bullshit. Please, please I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
Holy fuck I’m so pissed and sad and miserable I just want to kms already and not have to deal with this bullshit anymore. Fuck being trans, fuck everything. Fuck this horrible life.
Feel like shit, ofc.
Also sounds like someone else more qualified might apply for that spot, that’d suck. My resume is ass and I need all the help with it I can get. Need to move out of my parents house. Can’t fuckin do that without a job, can’t fuckin get a job without experience.
Also feel super dysphoric. Hate this stupid bullshit of an experience. Nearly relapsed last night. At least I didn’t I guess.
Thank you, commenting to remind myself
negativity, dysphoria, transphobia, suicide
back to bitterly hating my life
this so much. Being trans is horrible. Dysphoric. Transphobia. Either would be horrible enough of their own. FML
Its life ruining. I hate being trans. I’m so dysphoric about so many things. Body. Voice. Social. How I act. Everything is wrong.
Transphobia is obviously FUCKING AWFUL now a days. And its so insidious too. Its everywhere and everyone.
I hate it, I hate it so much, my feelings on it have not gotten better.
Its just awful. There is nothing good about this. Its just suffering. I DON’T WANT TO DO ANY OF THIS. I JUST WANT IT TO BE FUCKING OVER. FUCK
I think the only actually redeemable thing here is in the grand scheme of things, I won’t be suffering long. Things will either get better or there won’t be more things. 1-2 years or like at most 5. I can do it. I can suffer another 5. Just have to keep suffering and hoping it changes. I have to hope life can be livable at some point.
I don’t know. I don’t know what the point is. T already ruined me. Society. What is the point. I’m not going to be happy. Its gone. Ruined. I don’t want to be trans, I don’t want to be a woman, I want this whole nightmare of being trans to be over. Of dysphoria. Of everything. Even if I could pass (doubt it) that wouldn’t fix it. Nothing can fix this pain. I just want it over. I hate this. I hate everything about it.
talking about how I used to look
First holy shit why would you flashbang me like that
Second of all, every now and again I feel like, oh why would you grow your hair out now you just look fuckin bad. At least before you looked kinda decent for a guy. No I looked fucking horrible back then too.
Hell yea, god I can’t wait to have laser
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My mood keeps yoyoing so bad, crying, normal, bitter and doomer, engaging with everything happily, back to bitterly hating my life. Can it all please just stop and let me keep feeling normal instead of having the floor drop out from under me like every hour
5·2 days agoI’ve been going back through Celeste, I want to get into the core. I’ve unlocked enough B sides I just need to beat them. And getting more strawberries because I think 100%ing it would be cool.
Also playing some dispatch, end of episode 4. Feeling a bit bored with the part of the game you actually dispatch your heros and stuff, just very repetitive imo. Getting better at it but I hope they do something to shake up that part of gameplay more. The story is still interesting to me though.
owww why are they so fucking itchy jesus
Crying a lot the past couple days. Both for a reason and without. Itchy and cuddly as fuck too.
I would never step on a precious vial
I was trying to joke that E has made me clumsierI keep half thinking about starting to work out so I can try and keep my strength but meh, I never did as a guy so will probably just allow E to wither me away
The negative effects of estrogen are not talked about enough
I nearly fell down the stairs today
need to shower and take care of myself. still don’t. hurts so much. barely did anything with my time off work. might ask someone to cover part of my shift tomorrow. i dont wanna do anything. dysphoria and misery eating me alive last couple days.